Fertility and Miscarriage
We can ride a roller coaster of hope and despair when we are trying for a baby and each month it isn't happening. The disappointment and sadness can feel overwhelming. It can seem like trying to conceive is taking over our lives at times and we can begin to feel obsessed with getting pregnant.
Our relationships with our partners can suffer as there can be a loss of a sense of intimacy. Sex can turn into a bit of a chore as it loses its association with pleasure, fun and playfulness.
Miscarriage and pregnancy loss is usually devastating and can feel very difficult to talk about. Partners are often expected to be strong and supportive whilst coping with their own feelings of loss.
Some couples cope well on their own but sometimes one or both of you may need some support to cope with the onslaught of feelings from infertility and pregnancy loss.
Feelings after a miscarriage
When we experience a pregnancy loss we will feel a whirlpool of emotions. As we try to come to terms with our loss it is common to feel:-
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Numb – you don’t seem to have any feelings at all.
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Shocked and confused – especially if there were no signs that anything was wrong.
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Sad and tearful – perhaps suddenly bursting into tears without any obvious trigger.
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Angry – that it is not fair, at hospital staff, at others’ pregnancy announcements.
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Jealous and envious – especially when seeing other pregnant women and babies.
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Guilty – perhaps wondering or blaming yourself that you might have caused the miscarriage (this is very unlikely).
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Empty – a sense of physical loss.
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Lonely – especially if you are trying to hide your feelings or you feel that others don't really understand.
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Anxious and panicky – feeling unable to cope with everyday life.
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Despair - feeling as if there is no joy or pleasure in life.
For some women and their partners, there comes a time when they begin to think about stopping their attempts to have a baby. This can be due to the strain of repeated losses, relationship difficulties, financial issues or advancing maternal age.
This decision can be hard enough if you already have a child or children but can be an especially difficult and painful decision if you are childless.
Making the decision to stop trying is usually a process and you may make and un-make it more than once. It means facing a different kind of future from the one you were planning and while that can bring real sadness, it can also bring a sense of closure.
Your partner is likely to feel upset because of what you have gone through, as well as for the loss of your baby. Both of you may be grieving over the loss of the future. You may be able to support each other very well and even feel closer as a result.
But grief can put a strain on even the closest relationships. Just when you need each other most, it may be difficult to say or do the right things – especially if one of you is hiding your feelings in order to be strong for the other.
How can I help?
As a counsellor and psychotherapist i can offer either individual or couple counselling which means I can help either one or both of you with the huge psychological toll and heartache that infertility causes.
According to Harvard research, most cases of infertility can be attributed to a physiological cause in the man or woman (about one-third of the time a physiological problem is identified in the woman, one-third of the time in the man). With my help, we may be able to uncover any phycological blocks, that you may be unaware of, that are preventing you from conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy.
I can support you with the normal, but nevertheless deeply distressing emotions that anybody who is grieving the significant loss of being unable to have a child can feel. Typical reactions include shock, grief, depression, anger, and frustration, as well as loss of self-esteem, self-confidence, and a sense of losing control over your destiny.
You don't need to feel alone
Perhaps you may need some help you if your relationship is suffering with your partner. When there is constant pressure to conceive, sometimes anxiety related sexual dysfunction may start and become problematic.
You may be feeling isolated and alone if you are avoiding social interaction with those in your circle who are pregnant and have children. Or you may be struggling with other family or friends who have well meaning but misguided opinions and advice which inadvertently cause you pain and distress.
Working holistically as a therapist at A Time For You I am able to integrate my experience and skill as a Counsellor, with Reiki, Hypnotherapy and EFT where appropriate.
Reiki can be a good place to start
When we meet we can decide how to spend the session together. When clients are feeling fragile, Reiki can be a good place to start. Reiki energy, being naturally calming will help you to feel and you to feel less stressed and more relaxed. Reiki helps to release difficult emotions energetically which you may have been holding on to or defending yourself against because they feel too much to bear. Reiki may also help to release the psychological blocks you may have.
In this deeply relaxed state, your body also has a chance to begin to repair as you feel listened to and understood and you should start to feel some relief.
Both Reiki and EFT may hep to release the phycological blocks that you may have once we have identified them.
As well as Reiki helping the physical body, Lifestyle Medicine may help you to identify some possibilities that might be beneficial and help with your fertility.
I am an accredited and registered Counsellor & Psychotherapist with the BACP with over 14 years experience of working with individuals, couples and therapeutic groups in a variety of settings.
Counselling is always at the heart of what I do, but by incorporating other treatments and techniques I can offer my own unique combination of therapies to effectively help clients to feel better on all levels.
Tina Deas
A Time For You, Counselling & Reiki Swindon